Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Second Chances...

Welcome to GuruMuse... MuruStu's... GuruStu's Muse!... There you go, I knew I'd get it right eventually.

That's what I want to talk about today... getting it right the SECOND time...

Why do we do things wrong the first time only to have to make up for it the next time?

You know that saying "You only get one chance to make a first impression" so why do we botch it up?! It's the strength of that belief that puts a lot of pressure on you to get it right... the more important you make that first meeting, the more pressure there is.

Now, how well do you handle pressure? If you perform well, then your first impression has a good chance of going well. If you crumble, so might your reputation.

I think first impressions are overrated...

Sure it's important to be at your best at important times, but if another person is going to continue to judge you because of that first impression, you don't need them.

Keep this in mind, whenever you give more importance to someone else's opinion of you then you give up your power to make a good impression. If you let someone else decide if you're good enough, you lose the control over your own self-esteem... and without your self-esteem, how can you expect to make a good impression?

Okay, let's look at those situations where someone decides your fate, like a job interview. True, someone else decides whether you're good enough. Yes, their opinion matters greatly and you only one chance to make a first impression. It's got all the conditions we're talking about... so it would seem that everything I just said should go out the window, right?

Wrong. Even though your job is dependent on their decision, even though your income and even your future livelihood is going to be affected... your self-esteem does not have to be destroyed by a possible rejection... the imposed pressure does not have to get you down.

When it comes to a job... you have to know, it's just a job. As the famous saying goes, no one ever said on their death bed that they wish they had spent more time at the office.

Haven't you had jobs you've hated? Jobs you felt weren't right for you? So what makes you think this next one will be all that much better?

Don't make such a big assumption about the importance of the employment. In english that means... don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

Your self-esteem is dependent on how you feel about yourself, not on how you think others feel about you... that's why it's called self-esteem and not other-esteem.

If you feel good about yourself, if you have confidence in what you do, if you don't let the pressure of other people's opinions affect you... then you can focus on being your best and not on someone else's first impression.

The first thing to help you get over first impression depression is to take away your fear... and you do that by not putting more importance on their opinion than on your own self-worth...

Don't undervalue yourself... and you won't overwhelm yourself...

Pressure is not an outside force, it's a response that comes from inside. We may have deadlines, we may try to do too much in a small amount of time or try to do something better than everybody else, but those are all circumstances. The pressure that you feel is all your own doing. Keeping yourself composed, working at your fastest pace and at the best of your ability is all you can expect of yourself. Striving to make yourself better is one thing... so is competing to be the best... but expecting too much can be downrigth exhausting and totally unproductive.

It's expectations that cause pressure... especially when things don't go as hoped for... especially if you've put a lot of faith into those expectations. If you've changed your life to accommodate your wishes and they don't come true, then your fall can be that much bigger.

But what if those expectations came from a promise? What if someone else made a vow to you, built up those hopes and dreams, strengthened those expectations, only to let you down? What good are second chances then?

Unfortunately though, not everyone gets that second chance... because some people are unforgiving of a mistake... and so neither one of them gets a chance to make it better... healing does not take place and the people involved carry the wounds through the rest of their lives.

I've seen that with friends and even members of my own family... they've been carrying the wounds of years ago, letting it tear them apart, both apart inside and apart from each other. I wonder, is anything really worth losing time?

If you find yourself having a hard time dealing with another's mistake, try your best to understand it... take a step back and look at it from a different perspective. Overcome your wounded pride and talk it out. Make it better before it makes you worse.

And if you've ever made a mistake in your life... and I sure every one of us has... then don't allow yourself to become so engrossed in your own embarrassment that you give up.

You never fail until you quit trying

Failure is Life's way of giving you a lesson. If you let it get to you, then you won't learn the lesson you need to...

Keep the light on!

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